on floating in a sea of complicated feelings
Read Morethinking about living in alignment with the menstrual cycle
Read Morerecent notes from the inner world
Read Morethe feeling of psychic constipation
Read Morenot feeling uninspired, but too tired to chase and catch inspiration
Read Morelike waking up drugged and hungover, except not in the body, but in the soul
Read Morethe feeling of being with someone who makes you feel safe
Read Moreonly one person can get under my skin like this
Read Morelike i don’t even have the patience to draw a proper picture
Read Moreon days when i feel bad i draw pictures of what is happening inside of me, and then somehow, inexplicably, i feel better.
Read Moredon’t tell me this is love.
Read Morei remember this feeling, this place - a dark place - but this time i’m standing on a sea cliff looking down at the abyss, rather than drowning inside of it. but even if i were to fall down again, i know how to climb up.
Read Moremood of the day: solitude on a desert beach, remembering how it is possible to be not (physically) alone, yet still very lonely — and how true aloneness feels sometimes like a salve.
Read Moremood of the day oct 24
Read Morehoney and walnuts
Read Morethese months i am existing in a terrain of my life which is full of dark holes — each varying in depth, gravitational pull, and intensity. they feel like bombs scattered throughout time and space, triggered by anything: a tiny fragment of memory, a thought, an image. I could step on a crack, fall in, and be incapacitated for hours. like a ghost of myself.
Read Morehave you ever seen - or felt - the presence of dark birds flying at night? they are a flutter of black wings. nearly silent. almost like black butterflies. when I lived in rural japan during the first lockdown, I’d walk to the lake at night and sit by the docks, watching their shadows. sometimes they scared me, becuse I could barely see their wings. only vague silhouettes.
Read Morehere is a log of 11 days of my life - painted as daily moons. it holds the days between august 30 2021 and september 12 2021 - which were not quite the worst days of my life (the weeks preceding it were far worse), but in the vicinity of it.
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